I made Reagan go jogging Friday afternoon because she missed swim practice. I went with her and we were just going half a mile. Of course i have done nothing to speak of in the way of exercise lately so Reagan was ahead of me running faster than i wanted to.
I had just passed over some leafy debris on the sidewalk when I must have hit something that was hidden under the leaves. I turned my ankle , straightened up and wobbled like crazy - It hurt BAD!!!
Now it is swollen and black and blue. And I wanted to go to Trader's Village tomorrow for ebay items! I hope the rain keeps up so I don't have to feel deprived.
I have 44 items listed on ebay now. I'm a regular ebay mogul.
Wow, this really is the 8th of jan. I am continuing to struggle with lack of motivation, depression etc.
I desperately want to lose some weight. After being sooo thin it just is horrible to be this much heavier.I now weigh in at 135. thats a whole 20 pounds more than last year.
Our washing machine was broken for an entire week plus. Boy is that ever a machine one takes for granted. I have a whole new appreciation for it now.
Reagan starts school on Monday. I have a lot of sadness about that and I hope it will be a positive experience for her. I just feel like I'm giving up . She has gained so much from her extra curricular activities like Creative Arts in Action, VOice lessons and dance . I'm afraid we'll have to cut too much out. But I suppose she should really be having a higher incidence of social interactions per day as that is the area she really needs to improve.
Before I elaborate on my day I have to say (CHEWY?) I am really confused about this live journal. You have to come over and explain more about the mechanics to me. I don't know if my regular posts are going into the lgoolb part - which would be weird.
And I don't know why Idon't get to pick my mood today. Waagghh I'm actually in a good one. Though I'm tired because I actually did get off my lazy butt today and did a cool workout video with Reagan which I can already feel in my butt and legs.
I worked with Kyle for the first time in a couple weeks and that is always a mental as well as physical workout. I guess I felt better today because I got back to life as it was, and doing things that are normal for me ( however abnormal they may be for others) really grounds me.
It was a good day for my financial future in that I have Anna to see on Thursday and a new kid possibly who lives near Jolene. I also have the possibility looming of shadowing a kid in South Arlington.
Tomorrow Reagan and I will go to the Pinacle School and talk to the director. It looks like I'm going to let her go at least for this semester, and if all goes well she'll stay there at least through jr high and I can work and go to school.
I'm setting a goal to have a masters and or my behavioral certification by the time I'm 55 - 5 years from now, in case anyone has been fooled by my youthful appearance and the spring in my step, into thinking I am much younger.
Then depending on how my study skills are I may set the goal for my ph.d. in psych. so I can sit on my butt and diagnose kids for the rest of my life - as long as I can escape senility - which I learned from Dr. Altig means "related to aging"
Speaking of lgoolb (even though i wasn't) I am a total loser at that - I still haven't recorded any points. I have to get hold of the point list and make a table. CHEWY!!!!! Heeeelllpppp ,meeeee!!!!
I have to say, I continue to feel overwhelmed. I have so much to do and so many changes to make.
Maybe I should seriously try ritalin.
I was so relieved to find that today is actually a holiday.Since it is after 1 and I really haven't accomplished anything of great value. althouth I did play a social skills game with Reagan, who is now out playing with friends.
And I did call the school but no one is there due to the holiday status.
I am anxious about the shot records they will undoubtedly ask for . Hopefully they will take our immunization waiver, because no way am I getting that kid any more shots.
If I have to I'll just have to homeschool and do daycare simultaneously - a sure recipe for a nervous collapse. Oh wait.. I already had one of those - institutionalization? Well, actually that doesn't sound too bad. I could do it Jack Nicholson style. (For younger readers please watch "One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest"
Well! The first day of 2006!
The Christmas tree is down and aside from the couch being in the wrong room things are back to normal.
Reagan is getting interested in the idea of going to school. And I think it's the right time to enroll her before she develops a phobia about it. The only thing she's expressed anxiety about is the math. Well, such is life. Math is indeed anxiety provoking.
I have not eaten sugar in four days ( I think) and today I did thirty crunches. Chewy am I supposed to have a form for keeping my points? Do I make my own?
I walked past miss Jolene's cookies several times with thoughts in my head like"those things must be stale by now - I can't give her those! might as well ea....NO! You have no pants that fit!!!! Don't do it - Remember goolb!!!
And I didn't eat them. Good for me.
It's late , more tomorrow.
Two more days of 2005 - Wow, I wrote 2006 first. It's not flying by fast enough for me I guess.
I suppose I'm ready for a new year. Maybe by the Grace of God it will be better than this one.
I'm really ready to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I would love to have a daycare again , there is just so much to do to get this house set up again. It will be a radical change in life as I know it. But I've been thinking for some years now about the need these days for kids to have opportunities to use their imagination, learn to keep themselves entertained and improve their conversation and social skills. These are all goals that are highly emphasized with autistic kids but I have been struck many times by the poor social skills and lack of focused attention and creativity in her typical friends.
Our society just sucks at nurturing these things these days. And one day it will catch up with us.
Anyway I am interested in the emilio reggio (or something to that effect) style preschool. This school offers limited choices for play. The classroom is equipped with a large block center, art center, pretend center and music. I am intrigued and excited about putting this together and being able to offer a very high quality program for both typical and autistic kids.
It is two days past Christmas already.
I actually made some real progress in the playroom with the goal in mind of starting my daycare again. There are two large tables that have been piled with clutter and now they are CLEAN!
I had someone write me from ebay who wanted to buy five of my matching games. I need to mass produce those things and get them down to a reasonable price so that people will actually go through with purchasing them.
Chewy!!!! I Need a website!!! I think in exchange for selling your Dr Who scarf you should set me up a website. Then when these people write i can refer them to my website and they can order.
Well, I have pretty much determined that my life needs to change in a radical way.
Today I began to entertain the idea of starting up my daycare/school again. I have been missing it a lot over the years, and Reagan is really growing up and showing me that maybe she is capable of going to school.
I would enroll her in the Pinnacle School in Fort Worth which is a fine arts charter school. This would keep her out of HEB where they have records of her autism diagnosis.
We would have to change swim teams too, which considering Kathy has left and we don't know who will be coaching that is probably a good thing.
There is a lot of work to be done to get this house daycarable again but for the first time in the past month or so I feel a bit optimistic again.
I know I could continue to serve the autism community by offering this good option for school and socialization to at least a few autistic kids locally.
I will keep praying and see what evidence I gather that God is with me on this. He obviously didn't think moving to VA was a good idea, and on closer examination sort of does seem like a bipolar manic impulse.
For now at least I am formulating some goals.
I forgot to mention in my Christmas post how exciting it was to watch Reagan this year. She actually was more excited to hand out the gifts she bought for us and watch us open them than to open her own. This is a huge advance over previous years when she drooled over her own presents for weeks and then on Christmas morning ripped into them in a frenzy.
And it was wonderful to see my girls show caring for each other that was sincere. The best gifts for sure.
This was a lovely Christmas and everyone was happy , no disappointments. Not an easy feat. I especially liked my Mavericks calendar and my snowmen. Reagan is still wearing the hat Chewy's friend Jessie knitted (or perhaps crocheted?) for her. And Chewy loved her ihome ipod dock.
I purposely threw out a couple of crass and inappropriate ebay comments and have decided that I will do that from now on at all social gatherings.
It feels weird that this is Sunday. I have a whole week off and I am looking forward to not thinking about all the stuff that has been plaguing me lately.
I am so excited to be talking to my brother Raymond who has been accomplishing good things in his life overcoming a lot of obstacles. He is actually inspiring me to get back to school, scary as it is and try to get myself some credentials. I'm really proud of him and truly glad that he lives here in Texas so we can spend some time together.